A Day in the Death of a DBZ Villain
by Coolbou
Summary: They may be dead, but they're hardly gone! Another Pocky-centered fic, this one is about the bad (and dead) guys of DBZ and their attempts to exist in Hell without losing their minds -- or their evil-ness. (And those cat-girls sure don't help...)
1. Freeza

_(A/N: This is a story that – like my other one, "The Pocky Incident" – seems to have come out of nowhere. It's more than a little random and, as far as I can tell, lacks any real plot. So far. "The Pocky Incident" has plot though, definitely. This one... I'm honestly not sure. ^^ Anyways, this chapter might not make a lot of sense, but it kind-of introduces what's going on... sort of. And yes, it involves Pocky. But it's not necessarily a good thing anymore... ^^ I never really intended for the characters in this story to be the way they were in the show/manga, so don't freak out if they're totally out-of-character. And I probably made some mistakes too. But that's okay. Because this story is PURE RANDOMNESS! Read on, loyal baka! *runs away to eat more pocky* ... *comes back* BTW, the italic stuff is what they're writing. And the POV changes every chapter. But the non-italic stuff is third-person. *runs off... again*)_

  


-=-

  


CHAPTER ONE: Freeza Makes Some Progress

_June 14_

  


_ Why? Why must I be forced to write of my "attempts" to "change"? And to think that they even go so far as to call this a "diary" when they intend to read my every entry? In fact, I believe this is to be shared by the others in rehab as well. How unjust! Now I might actually have to make some "progress" and maybe truly become "good". Why?_

__

__ Freeza woke up that morning to the horrifying sight of Raditz and Zarbon trying to frolic about in the flowers that didn't really belong in Hell. Apparently he wasn't the only one who was disgusted by this; many others shied away, giving the two speedo-wearing ex-baddies plenty of room in which to… dance.

__

_ They were dancing. Skipping, dancing, twirling, spinning… it was horrific. No longer will I be able to sleep at night without having to fight off the graphic images of Raditz and Zarbon doing the tango. And yet I can't help but wonder which one of them was dancing the part of the woman…_

__

__ This was just insulting. Why should anyone be forced to change? Especially Freeza and his crew? They had been born evil. They had lived evil. They had died evil. What was the point of making them change now that they were dead, and had been dead for more than a decade? It was unjust. Besides, what might they possibly get out of turning good? A nice trip to Heaven with its trillions of goody-goodies? Bah! Preposterous! No self-respecting villain would willingly change.

__ Except, perhaps, Raditz and Zarbon.

__

_ Those two have been humiliating me constantly since they began rehab. I honestly do not understand why they actually try to be good. But then again, I've never really understood them anyways._

__

__ Turning and walking in the opposite direction, completely ignoring the ghosts that were trying to tease him about the unvillainish behavior of his former crewmembers. How – and why – had they succumbed to the pressuring of – 

__ "FREEZA!"

__ The ghosts immediately scattered, and Freeza tried to think up a way to escape without looking like he was afraid. Too late.

__ She ran up and proceeded to stand on his tail, which was immediately pulled out from under her.

__ "Ouch! That was unnecessary, Freeza!" She got to her feet, brushed herself off, and took out a little book. "Hmm… it says here that you've been in Villains Anonymous for about… twelve years, right? So you should be totally good by now!"

__

__ _No one can spend more than a week in Hell without being assaulted by Undine. And no one can spend more than a month without hating her vehemently. Her large eyes, undying smile, and bubbly personality are the bane of anyone who ends up in Hell. And yet you can't escape her… especially if you have a tail._

__

__ "So have you been working on your cruel tendencies?" she chirped. The cat-girl grinned. "You've had twelve years, Freeza! You should be totally good by now, or at the very least halfway. Look at your comrades over there!"

__ "I'd rather not."

__ Undine's smile faded, but her eyes grew to the size of dinner plates and started to glisten. "Oh, pleeeaaase, Freeza? I know you can be good, I just know you can! But you gotta try, okay?"

__ "And what will I get if I do what you tell me?" Freeza demanded, holding his tail as far from her feet as possible.

__ "The same thing that Raditz and Zarbon got!"

__ "Oh, sure. And what exactly am I going to do with cases of brightly colored boxes? Organize my living space?"

__ "It's not the _boxes_, silly!" Undine giggled, smacking him playfully. "It's what's _inside_ the boxes that makes it worthwhile!"

__ "What could possibly be inside those boxes that makes perfectly evil villains want to be good?"

__ Undine smiled mischievously. "Pocky!"

__

__ _Ah, yes. Pocky. That horrendously popular snack that (like the flowers that are so abundant here) does not belong in Hell._

_ I just realized… perhaps that is why they call it "Hell". Because the flowers and the Pocky and the tango lessons are meant to torture those of us who knew how to live. And what torture befalls those who are sent to Heaven, I wonder?_

__

__ "I have no interest in Pocky!" Freeza roared. "I just want to blow up a few things! Like you, for instance."

__ "Oh, well, in that case…" Undine rummaged around in her shoulder bag. "Ah – here we go!" She pulled out a bright pink box. Freeza shielded his eyes.

__ "No!" he cried. "No, damn you!"

__

__ _And here I'd thought I wouldn't have to see pink as long as I didn't look at Zarbon. But nooo… Undine had to go and ruin that. But of course, I wasn't prepared for what came next._

__

__ "Here!" she cried, holding out a stick of sweet-smelling strawberry Pocky. "Try it!"

__ "Get that crap away from me!" Freeza roared. "I have no interest in that – that – poison! Bring it any closer and – "

__ Undine shoved the Pocky into his open mouth and giggled. "Saying Pocky is poison is like thinking that a camera will suck your soul out." She paused. "Well, it might if it was made by Gero, but that's totally beside the point."

__

__ _I swallowed it. I swallowed the Pocky. And who would've imagined…_

__

__ Freeza looked at the pink box in Undine's hand. "Could I…?"

__ "You want more?" she asked. "You'll have to be a little less evil…"

__ "Can I have more… please?"

__ "Gee, Freeza, I dunno…" Undine began pacing around him. "Hey!" She spotted his tail twitching near the ground and instinctively pounced on it, being a cat-girl.

__ "Ouch!" Freeza closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Kindly… remove yourself… from my tail…!!"

__ "There you go!" Undine cried, giggling cutely. "See, you're already a little less evil!" She handed him an unopened box of Strawberry Pocky. "Here! If you want more, you gotta earn it!" Freeza snatched the Pocky up and dashed away.

__

__ _I now have a box of Pocky in my possession. Strawberry Pocky. I think I might be immune to pink now. This could be a good thing. Undine might take a little longer to tolerate. But she is one of the main sources of Pocky here in Hell. Of course, I could just steal some of Zarbon's while he's out dancing. That would be much easier. But his is in a white box, not pink. And Raditz's Pocky is in a red box. Getting my Strawberry Pocky might prove rather difficult._

_ At least I have a way now. And all I need to do is "ask" Undine to "get off my tail". Or is there an easier, less humiliating way? I must look into it. I… must… get… my… Strawberry… Pocky…_

_– Freeza_

__

_(Agent Undine's Note: Subject Freeza has certainly made some progress today, but I fear there may be another threat from him. His sudden desire to eat Strawberry Pocky is somewhat unnerving. I should go and warn the other subject who has Strawberry Pocky that there may be a thief about…)_

  


-=-

  


(_A/N: It's me again! Did you like it? Hate it? Were you scared? Yes? Yes? Yes? Good! *is pocky high* The next chapter, which I've already written, is a lot better. So if you can stand to read it, do. But first... review this one! And beware the cat-girls... their cuteness will blind you. And remember – even if pocky is evil in Hell, dead people can't read fanfiction. I hope. If they could, though, I'd be screwed, ne? ^^)_


	2. Cell

_(A/N: Here it is! The second chapter. Now, I'm honestly not sure if Cell is organic enough to go to Hell, but I'm assuming he is. I just really wanted to write a chapter about Cell. I think it has something to do with the tail. And no, I never intended to have Sephiroth in here. He just kinda... appeared. I needed someone to come in, and since my mom (!!!) was playing FF7... and his theme music was playing... I just kinda typed his name in and left it there. I honestly don't know if he'll come back. What do you guys think? Anyways, enjoy this chapter. Personally, I love it. I had a lot of fun writing it. And remember: No, it's not supposed to mean anything. No, it doesn't have a plot (yet). And YES – IT'S TOTALLY RANDOM! Wa~I! Enjoy!)_

  


-=-

  


CHAPTER TWO: Cell Gets Stuck

__

_June 15_

__

__ _I'm going to start my entry in this bizarre little journal by saying this: I agree, Freeza. This is unjust. But your latest obsession is quite scary and I would like to express my hope that you will never speak to me again. Have fun "frolicking" with your little cronies, but don't write about it in here. Nobody needs to know what you do in your spare time._

_ I also find it quite odd that you are willing to turn good for the sake of your new addiction. After all, you have been called "the only villain who was truly 100% evil". And now look at you. Dancing, prancing, skipping about and eating your Pocky. Strawberry Pocky, no less. It's sad, my friend, quite sad. Even more so than your shameful coloring… and your feminine points that, I'm sure, were once unwanted._

_ Now that that has been said, I suppose I shall continue with what I had originally intended to write. (By the way, now that Freeza has lost his mind completely, I hereby replace him as Most Evil Bastard in Hell. He can have a new title. "Miss Strawberry Pocky" might be considered.) My efforts to turn good are completely nonexistent, and I am now able to say that Undine officially has no effect on me._

__

__ Unlike Freeza, Cell didn't wake up that morning. Even if he was _bio_mechanical, he was still an android and had no need for sleep. His nights were spent enjoying the peace and quiet while the other ghosts – who probably didn't need it either – were sleeping. (Raditz and Zarbon were among the few exceptions, but what they do at night will be saved for a later chapter…) Cell also tended to plot at night. One of his favorite things to scheme was the downfall of the Anonymous Association, home of Villains Anonymous, Sidekicks Anonymous, and Self-Proclaimed Bishounen Anonymous, among hundreds of others. (Zarbon, while no longer in Villains Anonymous, remained in SPBA… as well as the _other_ SPBA: Self-Proclaimed Bishoujo Anonymous.) So far none of Cell's plans had worked, but he wasn't about to give up. He'd give anything to get rid of those pesky cat-girls.

__ His latest plot still needed some development (Get it? Plot development? Hm, this story sure could use some…), so he got up and began pacing… all the way around Hell. Three times.

__

__ _I must admit, I quite dislike the American dubbers' version of Hell. "Home for Infinite Losers" is not a place I'd want to live (not that I'm really "living" here). It's just plain insulting._

__

__ He ignored Zarbon and Raditz, who had seemingly gotten bored of the tango and were trying to get the other ghosts to square dance with them. Freeza, apparently Pocky-high, had joined them.

__

__ _Those three, though, would be absolutely perfect for the Home for Infinite Losers. In fact, the Anonymous Association should start another club: Infinite Losers Anonymous._

__

__ With his hands clapped over his ears, Cell began to walk faster, trying not to wonder when the Ginyu Force had become a band. When the sound had finally faded, he slowed down and sighed. They would've made fine allies, despite the poses…

__ He was still plotting when Undine approached him, dashing forward. Cell's tail twitched when she started shouting gleefully in her high-pitched cat-girl voice. Undine's eyes began to resemble satellite dishes as she got ready to pounce. Cell considered moving out of her way, or maybe even blowing her up, but then remembered that his tail was rather… pointed. So he just crossed his arms and waited for the shriek that inevitably came.

__ "Owwie!" Undine shrieked, nursing her paws. "Your tail is mean, bug!"

__

__ _What kind of nickname is "bug"? I'm not that much like an insect. I'm more Namekian than insect…_

__

__ Cell shrugged. "I never asked to have a sharp tail. And it's not like I invited you to attack it."

__ "Aw, that was just a friendly glomp…"

__ "That was not a glomp. That was a pounce."

__ "Yeah, so? I do it to everybody…"

__ "Well, the people here in Hell aren't exactly warm and cuddly," Cell muttered. "I guess you got transferred from Heaven when people started complaining about your violent tendencies…"

__ "I'm just being cute."

__ "You are _not_ cute. Now, did you stop me for a reason or did you just feel like impaling yourself on my tail?"

__ "Oh, right." She dug around in her bag. "Um, let's see. Oh, here it is…" She took out a book labeled "Villains Anonymous". "You've been here… almost ten years, right?"

__ "That's right."

__ "So how come you haven't changed at all?"

__ Cell raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure you want to know?"

__ "Of course!"

__ "It's because I don't eat and cannot be bribed into turning good by being fed poisoned Pocky."

__ "It's not drugged, you idiot, it's just really good. Oh, wait…" She flipped a page in the book. "Ah, you absorb things through your tail – "

__ "Not things. People. I absorb people."

__ "…By stabbing them."

__ "Yes."

__ "Cell, that's just gross. But what would happen if I shoved a stick of Pocky up your – "

__ "Oh, don't even go there, you little cat-eared brat!" Cell roared. "That is absolutely disgusting!"

__ "Well, what would happen? If I forced you to eat the Pocky, then – "

__ "Technically, absorption isn't like eating. I wouldn't be able to taste it, and that is, of course, why they like Pocky."

__ Undine stared at him. "…No way," she whispered, frantically turning pages in the book. "There must be a way to make you good. There must!"

__ "There isn't. So just give up and stop following me around." Cell smirked triumphantly as Undine shoved the book into her bag and stormed away.

__

__ _She has been defeated, by one person at least. Never again will I have to put up with her high-pitched voice, her enormous eyes, her disgustingly adorable cat-ears and tail… I'm free from Villains Anonymous, leaving me to deal with the Infinite Losers._

_ But Undine and the Anonymous Association (I wonder how you might abbreviate "association"? Just wondering…) are only about half of the annoyances here in Hell. The Infinite Losers make up another quarter. The remaining one-fourth is Hell itself – there are random boulders and such that will fall from the "sky" (we all know it's the bastards in Heaven who are dropping them on us to see how fast we can run) and earthquakes that open up gorges that swallow people and then close on them – two hours later they'll be spit out of a geyser in the middle of this lake. It's rather amusing to watch as long you're not the one being swallowed and spit out. You're also chewed up along the way…_

_ Today I had a rather… interesting day. I'd call it "hair-raising" but I have no hair…_

__

__ It all began when rocks of various sizes began raining from the sky. Cell didn't feel particularly threatened, since whenever one happened to fall near him he would simply sidestep it and continue on his way, completely ignoring the ghosts around him who got smashed or caught. Since they couldn't die (being dead already) they would simply flail any exposed limbs and hope that someone a little nicer than Cell (and slightly more attentive than the Infinite Losers) happened to pass by to free them.

__ He was actually quite amused by this, and eventually settled down in the shade of a tree at the edge of a falling-rock-prone field that just so happened to be the meeting place of hundreds of former members of Paranoiacs Anonymous. Cell simply sat and watched as every now and then a fist-sized rock would land on one of their heads and completely knock them out while those around them would begin looking up in an effort to prevent themselves from being knocked out as well. But of course, since it was noon, they would end up looking right into the "sun" and would have to look down again, completely unaware that mere seconds later they, too, would fall victim to the rocks.

__ Suddenly a massive shadow fell over the field. Everyone looked up to see a massive boulder falling directly at them. Realizing that it would land on his current resting spot, Cell got up and began to move out of its way, but the mob of ghosts in the field went into a panic and were running in random directions. They were right in Cell's way, so he decided to just fly over them. But he leapt a little too high and hit his head on the falling boulder.

__ "Holy _crap_!" he yelled, falling back down. He got to his feet and rubbed his head, then realized that he was still in danger. With no ghosts in his way, he ran – but the boulder landed right behind him.

__ On his tail.

__

__ _You haven't felt pain until a boulder has been dropped on your tail and is crushing over half of it. And for those bizarre freaks out there who don't want to take my word for it – we all know who they are – you're fools and I hope you choke to death on your Pocky. Or, since you're all dead, I hope your eyes get gouged out. By your Pocky. Or a spoon. Spoons, I've been told, can be very painful when used to dig eyes or hearts out. But I'd bet my life (uh… I'm dead…) that it wouldn't hurt nearly as much as having a boulder dropped on your tail._

__

__ "_OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWW!!"_ he screamed. "My tail! My tail! My taaaiiil!!"

__ He tried to turn around to lift the boulder or roll it away, but his tail hurt too much.

__ "Shhhiii – take mushrooms!" he added at the last possible second. "It _really sucks_ being _bio_mechanical! I _hate_ being able to feel pain!" He tried to lift up his wings to blow up the boulder from behind, but it was too close and his wings were trapped. "Aw, _crap_." For the next twenty minutes he tried to twist and turn to get a clear view of the damn rock so he could blow it up, but it was no use – if the rock didn't get in the way, his massive shoulders or wings or the base of his tail would.

__ The Infinite Losers (the author has officially fallen in love with that term…) came by then. Or, rather, they _waltzed_ by, in two of the most bizarre pairings ever to grace DBZ yaoi fics: Raditz/Freeza and Zarbon/Jeice.

__

__ _I can't believe I had to witness that. Freeza, can I have some Pocky? I'd like to gouge my eyes out so I never have to see that again…_

__

__ "O-ho-ho-ho!" Freeza cackled. "Did the poor bug-man get stuck?"

__ "Don't laugh, you stupid purple icehole."

__ The Infinite Losers paused and blinked – one of those typical anime shots where the eyes turn into little black dots and the characters are adorably SD – you know what I'm talking about (but could Freeza possibly be drawn like that?).

__ "Um…" Jeice stepped over to Cell. "Isn't that supposed to be 'asshole'?"

__ "Well, yeah," Cell said, "but I was _trying_ to avoid swearing in this chapter. Besides, I didn't want to offend His Prissiness over there. And in case you didn't notice, it's also a bit of a joke. See, his name is Freeza… Freeza, freeze, ice, icehole…" Freeza pretended not to hear him… _or_ the other Infinite Losers (none of them, by the way, know that they're being called Infinite Losers).

__ "Oh yeah, and 'bastard' doesn't count as a swear?" Jeice countered after recovering from his little giggle-fit. (Yes. He giggles now. You should hear Zarbon…)

__ Raditz nodded. "And what about 'crap'?"

__ "Gah, crap doesn't count, moron. And bastard, well – I admit, bastard's pushing it."

__ "And, and what about – " Freeza flailed his arm, pointing accusingly at Cell while trying to think of something else to accuse him of. "Hell! You keep saying Hell! Hell's a swear!"

__ Raditz leaned over. "Dude," he whispered, "we can't help that. It just so happens that Hell is the name of where we are."

__ "Yeah," Cell growled. "I guess you could call it 'Jigoku' too, but those are really the only names you could call it while being stuck here."

__ "Hn!" Freeza snorted. "So are you going to get yourself unstuck now or what?"

__ "…I guess you weren't here to witness it, but I've been trying for half an hour. So, Mr. Goody-Goody, are you going to help me?"

__

__ _I know, I know, it's really not like me to ask for help, but I was trapped. Under a rock. By my tail._

__

__ Freeza smirked wickedly, having retained some of his evilness. "And what will I get if I do?"

__ "What will you get? Hm," Cell muttered, "let me think. You'll get on Undine's good side is what you'll get. And isn't that why you've been doing all that dancing and whatnot with your pals there?"

__ "Actually," Freeza said, "it's quite fun. That's why I do it. Almost as fun as blowing up planets on a whim, or committing genocide in the blink of an eye, or being able to humiliate Vegeta…" His eyes glazed over, and he was lost for a moment in some reverie. "Besides," he said after a moment, "if I do this stuff, I actually get rewarded."

__ "…With Pocky."

__ "Yeah!" the Infinite Losers cried fangirlishly. "Pocky rules!"

__

__ _Rules what? The lives of insane, bishounen-obsessed, Pocky-high fangirls who write bizarre fanfiction that totally parodies every character that has happened to catch their eye? …Don't answer that._

__

__ "Oh, just get out of here," Cell hissed, "because even if I can't blow up this damn rock, I have a clear view of you freaks."

__ "Ooh!" Raditz shrieked. "I'm sooo scared! The big mean bug man's gonna blow me up!"

__

__ _I am so sick of being compared to an insect. It's Namek blood, okay? Namek, dammit! Not that being part mollusk is any better…_

__

__ "Oh, that's it." Cell flicked a small energy sphere at Raditz that did nothing but light his hair on fire.

__ "AAAAAAAAHHH!!" Raditz screamed. "My haaair! Nooo! It's _buuurniiing_!!"

__ Jeice leapt out of the way. "Whoa! Stay back, man! You'll catch my hair on fire too!"

__ Zarbon watched Raditz run off screaming in search of water. "Maybe we should give him a hand," he said to Jeice. They both went flying after Raditz, whose hair was creating a good deal of smoke.

__

__ _That, though, is quite amusing. I wouldn't mind seeing that every day or so._

__

__ "So," Freeza said, smirking. "You gonna get yourself out of there or not?"

__ "Didn't you hear me? I've been trying."

__ "Well, you can regenerate, can't you…?" He grinned.

__ Cell's eyes narrowed. "What are you suggesting…?"

__ "Well, you could always pull your tail off and then regrow it…"

__ "Dude!" Cell roared. "Do you have any idea what you're suggesting? You have a tail! You know what it's like! Having your tail crushed is like getting kicked in the balls. And now you're suggesting I rip the thing off!?"

__

__ _That's just sick. Sick, sick, sick. What in the name of all that is evil could be going through that purple moron's head!? He wouldn't even speak of such a thing before he had Pocky shoved down his throat. Disgusting…_

__

__ "Well," Freeza said, turning to leave, "if you're not going to accept my advice…"

__ "I never asked for advice, I asked for help. But if advice is all you're going to give, then go away."

__ "How about this…" Slightly disappointed that Cell hadn't reacted the way he'd hoped, Freeza came back. "If you join us at our next square dance, I'll push the boulder off."

__ "Freeza," Cell said solemnly, "I'd tell you to go to hell, but we happen to be here already."

__ "I'm really tempted to pull your tail off myself."

__ "Go ahead. See what happens to your Pocky stash."

__ "…No!" Freeza shrieked. "You wouldn't! Not my precious Pocky!"

__ "Get out of my sight or I'll blow up its source too."

__ "Not Undine!"

__ "Yes… Undine."

__ "But she's the only one who gives out Strawberry Pocky!"

__ "I guess you'd better go away then."

__ "…Cell," Freeza announced, "you suck!" And then he flew off after his fellow Infinite Losers.

__ Cell sighed and glanced over his shoulder again at the boulder that held him still. "Damn rocks," he muttered. Then he looked up. "And where are they coming from!?"

__ "Actually, they stopped about the time you got hit," said a particular silver-haired bad guy who was most unfortunately killed at the end of the game in which he starred. Sephiroth smirked as he approached.

__ "Oh yeah? So who cares? I'm still stuck… What do you want, anyway?"

__ "Nothing." Sephiroth pushed the boulder off of Cell's tail. "Just wanted to help you out. Kind of a gift from one badass to another."

__ "Ugh… oh, my poor tail," Cell muttered. It was completely bent out of shape. "…Thanks."

__ "No problem," Seph said. "I couldn't just leave you like that. I mean, nobody who insults Freeza deserves to be stuck under a boulder. Besides, it's nice to see that you're resisting the Anonymous Association. For a while I thought I was the only one."

__ "How do you get out of those forced meetings?" Cell asked, amazed. He knew of Sephiroth and his evilness but had never seen him at the Villains Anonymous meetings that were forced upon them, and so he had assumed that even the great One-Winged Angel had succumbed to their Pocky bribes.

__ "Well, you know those cat-girls… they bear a striking resemblance to fangirls, which means that they have a weakness for hot bad guys. And since the Anonymous Association is run almost completely by fangirls…"

__ "…They all fell in love with you and let you do whatever you want."

__ "Exactly." Sephiroth smirked and tossed his hair. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I was about to set a few bombs around the Anonymous Association headquarters. Have fun insulting Freeza," he called over his shoulder.

__ "Dammit," Cell muttered. "I wish it was that easy for me."

__

__ _And that was my day. I got stuck under a rock, annoyed by the Infinite Losers, and bested by a legend. I don't really understand Sephiroth's nickname, though. If he's an angel, why is he in Hell?_

_ Oh, and just to warn you all, I'm in a really bad mood and will probably be that way for several days. I saw something that made me want to blow up all of Hell. (But then I'd be stuck in Pyromaniacs Anonymous…)_

_ After Sephiroth freed me, I noticed that something was written on the boulder under which I'd been trapped. And, looking around, I saw that it was scratched into every other rock that had fallen from the sky. The message on the rocks said: "Happy Tenth Anniversary, Cell. –Goku"_

_ I hate that Saiyan freak. Taking the time to celebrate the tenth anniversary of my humiliating defeat at the hands of his brat of a son. And by throwing hundreds of rocks into Hell, each one inscribed with his little message… Someday I will find my way to him, and I will make his afterlife absolutely miserable…_

_ But before I gouge his eyes out with a spoon, I'll make sure that the last thing he sees is Raditz and Freeza doing the tango…_

– Cell

  


_(Agent Undine's Note: Beware, fellow agents. Cell's tail is painfully sharp. And somehow I don't think that it'll be any less dangerous now that it's been crushed. Fear him, agents. Fear the angry bug man.)_

_(CELL SUCKS. – Freeza.)_

_(Cell's a stinkbug! – Raditz.)_

_(Cell's afraid of Undine's ears! – Jeice.)_

_(Undine's cute! – Zarbon.)_

_(Zarbon looks like a woman. – Undine.)_

  


__-=-

  


_(A/N: Wasn't that fun? Yes. Yes it was. Now review it! Please!? And I'd like your opinions on whether or not Sephy should come back. Or maybe another character from a completely different series? Go ahead and make suggestions, I haven't started on the third chapter yet. Just remember that they have to be bad enough to go to Hell... and dead. Oh, and it helps big-time if I know who they are. Okay? And, also, I wanna know who I should write the next chapter about. One of the Infinite Losers, maybe? I dunno. Anyways, thanks for reading! Expect more as soon as I know what to write about!! ^^)_


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